I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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