PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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