when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
