Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
