He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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