i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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