I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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