I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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