if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
