What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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