The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
