yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
