i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
