I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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