Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
