my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
