So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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