You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
