I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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