I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
