Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
