i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
