I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
