i wish my penis had a tongue
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
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