no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
