Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
