i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
