well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
