How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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