i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
