I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My vagina is officially offended.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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