How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
