Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
