Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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