I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
