you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
