Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
