He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
