it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
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