I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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