I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
