would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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