i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
