I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Your dad touched me again.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
