The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Send us your Text From Last Night!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
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