Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
