Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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