dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
