Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
