One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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