I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
