the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
