I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Bring me that man meat
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
