I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
