She said her name was "party"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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