Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
