Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
