HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
