I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
