First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
