Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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