I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
