I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
