He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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