Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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