I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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