It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
