Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
