i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
