I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The best revenge is premature balding
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
