Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
