she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
