I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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