Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
