whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
