i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
