I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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