i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My ass is underappreciated
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
