Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
