Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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