Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
