I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
