STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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